It's the first time in 3 years he hasn't called. I wish I knew how to forget you. I wish I knew how to make this go away. 3 years. 3 years I have held on to the hope that you would be more. That you would be the one. And at times you are. And other times, you're the farthest thing from it. I just don't know. Something told me that you were the one. Something told me that you would be there when I needed you. Something told me that if I let it all go, if I stopped being angry about it, or judging you, or holding our past against us, that we would work.
I just don't know anymore. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel like you've boxed my heart up and I can't break free. I don't know how to love anyone else. It's like they're transparent to me. They aren't you. They don't match up. The first person who did, Mike, was a disaster. He was you on the outside, but without the baggage. Yet, when I got to know him more, I realized that we would never match. I am calm and collected, I don't do stupid things like get into fights, or act irresponsible, or do drugs. I don't really drink. So I left him and I said what the hell am I doing with my life. I found someone. I found someone and I keep messing it up. We keep messing it up. If it's not me it's him. And maybe that is how it'll always be. But another part of me says that it won't be. Something in me fights for this. Something as stubborn as I am. Something that refuses to believe that this was it. That this is the end of the road. It tells me to keep going. To be the best man that I can be, and not let anger or pity or self righteousness to get in the way.
To be a better man.
I am imperfect. I'm flawed. I know that. I am irresponsible sometimes. But I can't accept that all the time. I can't accept that I'm not the best person I can be.
I'm so scared. I really am. I just don't know anymore. I don't know anymore what to do, or what I'm supposed to be. I'm in a predicament that I can't control.
Was macht man? Wie ändere ich diesen Situation? Wie kann ich besser sein, wie kann ich stärker sein?
For god's sake, let this work out. And let me remember the one saying I really believe in.
All pain will pass
Alle Schmertzen wird vorbei.
I just don't know anymore. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel like you've boxed my heart up and I can't break free. I don't know how to love anyone else. It's like they're transparent to me. They aren't you. They don't match up. The first person who did, Mike, was a disaster. He was you on the outside, but without the baggage. Yet, when I got to know him more, I realized that we would never match. I am calm and collected, I don't do stupid things like get into fights, or act irresponsible, or do drugs. I don't really drink. So I left him and I said what the hell am I doing with my life. I found someone. I found someone and I keep messing it up. We keep messing it up. If it's not me it's him. And maybe that is how it'll always be. But another part of me says that it won't be. Something in me fights for this. Something as stubborn as I am. Something that refuses to believe that this was it. That this is the end of the road. It tells me to keep going. To be the best man that I can be, and not let anger or pity or self righteousness to get in the way.
To be a better man.
I am imperfect. I'm flawed. I know that. I am irresponsible sometimes. But I can't accept that all the time. I can't accept that I'm not the best person I can be.
I'm so scared. I really am. I just don't know anymore. I don't know anymore what to do, or what I'm supposed to be. I'm in a predicament that I can't control.
Was macht man? Wie ändere ich diesen Situation? Wie kann ich besser sein, wie kann ich stärker sein?
For god's sake, let this work out. And let me remember the one saying I really believe in.
All pain will pass
Alle Schmertzen wird vorbei.