Truth:
I am not scared to death of not finding love, I'm afraid of keeping love once you've found it.
I saw Sex and The City. And it's funny how I relate to the show. I know it's cliche to say but Tanner was my Big. Is my Big. I have no idea what the hell he is. I hate belaboring this point but I don't know where else to say this. Tonight was just one big fucking coincidence. Tanner and I always said we would go see a movie by ourselves, but we always chickened out. And I'm not the kind of guy who believes in waiting for the right moment, or those made for movie moments. But it was. The one movie I finally go to see by myself is the one that reminds me most of him.
And then when I got into the car, Hide and Seek was playing. And this is the story behind hide and seek. The night that we both said I love you to each other, we had sent e-mails to each other. And our thing has always been music. We would send mp3's to each other that we liked. And I told him I had heard this amazing song, and that I loved it so much. And he said it was funny because he heard something and wanted me to listen to it. So we both sent each other the file and it was Hide and Seek. It was just really odd. And maybe it was just a stupid coincidence, but it's special to me. It was special to us.
He said he loved me first. It was the exact moment that he should have said it. It was built on trust and trial and tribulation. It was tempered by time. He loved me. Little old me. Him, my very own Mr. Big, smart successful talented terribly good lookings, suave and had a heart of gold. I didn't understand why he picked me. I never will. But when he talked to me, when he said it, he said it with such complete faith. He was so sure about it.
When we talk now, I don't hear the same voice. I don't hear the assurance that I once knew. I know he's lost, and I don't know how to help him find his way. But I also don't know how to just be his friend. I know it's selfish and I know he did it for me, but I'm not like him. I can't separate how I feel about him and how he feels. I love him like a wildfire. I can't control it if I start it.
And all night the only thing I want. The only thing I've wanted for the last 3 months, is him. I want my love back. I want to fall asleep listening to him snore. I want him to make me blush, like he used to. I want to hear his southern drawl so bad. I can't even through away his god damned hat. I've been trying for the last week. I just can't do it. I don't know how to deal with this and it's tearing me apart. I don't know how to not love him. I don't know how to show him that he needs to be ready for me. I don't know how to slap him awake so that he remembers why he was so sure that he loved me, because I'm sure I love him.
I'm not scared of finding the person I love because I found him already. I just don't know how to get him back.
Especially since I didn't do anything wrong. I did everything right.
Help.
----------------
Now playing: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
via FoxyTunes
I am not scared to death of not finding love, I'm afraid of keeping love once you've found it.
I saw Sex and The City. And it's funny how I relate to the show. I know it's cliche to say but Tanner was my Big. Is my Big. I have no idea what the hell he is. I hate belaboring this point but I don't know where else to say this. Tonight was just one big fucking coincidence. Tanner and I always said we would go see a movie by ourselves, but we always chickened out. And I'm not the kind of guy who believes in waiting for the right moment, or those made for movie moments. But it was. The one movie I finally go to see by myself is the one that reminds me most of him.
And then when I got into the car, Hide and Seek was playing. And this is the story behind hide and seek. The night that we both said I love you to each other, we had sent e-mails to each other. And our thing has always been music. We would send mp3's to each other that we liked. And I told him I had heard this amazing song, and that I loved it so much. And he said it was funny because he heard something and wanted me to listen to it. So we both sent each other the file and it was Hide and Seek. It was just really odd. And maybe it was just a stupid coincidence, but it's special to me. It was special to us.
He said he loved me first. It was the exact moment that he should have said it. It was built on trust and trial and tribulation. It was tempered by time. He loved me. Little old me. Him, my very own Mr. Big, smart successful talented terribly good lookings, suave and had a heart of gold. I didn't understand why he picked me. I never will. But when he talked to me, when he said it, he said it with such complete faith. He was so sure about it.
When we talk now, I don't hear the same voice. I don't hear the assurance that I once knew. I know he's lost, and I don't know how to help him find his way. But I also don't know how to just be his friend. I know it's selfish and I know he did it for me, but I'm not like him. I can't separate how I feel about him and how he feels. I love him like a wildfire. I can't control it if I start it.
And all night the only thing I want. The only thing I've wanted for the last 3 months, is him. I want my love back. I want to fall asleep listening to him snore. I want him to make me blush, like he used to. I want to hear his southern drawl so bad. I can't even through away his god damned hat. I've been trying for the last week. I just can't do it. I don't know how to deal with this and it's tearing me apart. I don't know how to not love him. I don't know how to show him that he needs to be ready for me. I don't know how to slap him awake so that he remembers why he was so sure that he loved me, because I'm sure I love him.
I'm not scared of finding the person I love because I found him already. I just don't know how to get him back.
Especially since I didn't do anything wrong. I did everything right.
Help.
----------------
Now playing: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
via FoxyTunes