Tell me how to stop loving someone.
No matter how many logical sane explinations that I come up with to explain why I still miss Tanner, and why my heart aches when I think of him, none of them ever make me feel better. Tell me how you let go of your first love, tell me how you let go of the man whom you thought was the only one. Who was the only one who's very voice could calm you to the core. The only boy who could instantly tell when you were smiling or blushing over the phone, even though he couldn't see you. Tell me how to stop loving someone.
Tell me the secrets to why I feel this way, because honestly it's awful. I hate feeling like someone is dragging my insides against hot coals as I feel that passion burn inside of me, and my scorn for the whole situation bring me down. I decided this. I've always been the one to decide it. Because i knew that it couldn't last like this. It couldn't last with me always waiting. We have terrible luck when it comes to timing, but some part of me tells me that that isn't coincidence. Some part of me tells me that this has so much more to play out. That I'm simply in the beginning act and what life has in store for me I still have no idea. I feel like I stand at the edge of a large field, but there is fog all around me.
This isn't like they said it would be. My prince charming rode up, took me for a ride, and then kept riding on, saying he had to figure this out. Saying that he didn't know. They didn't tell me that he would be indecisive. They didn't tell me that he wouldn't be ready for me when he found me. They didn't tell me I would fall for other men. They didn't tell me that I would be someone's prince charming, and that I would have to leave him after I had helped. They never told me that I would be so impatient at 21. They didn't tell me that I would be so bothered with the whole idea. They didn't tell me that I would have to learn to live by myself. None of that was in my guidebook. None of that was in my plans for life.
It was heartbreaking. The first time we really broke up. It was like someone had taken half of me that looked like all of me and I was just trying to find the other part. It was like my very concept of self had faltered. It went against everything I believed in. That I still believed in. I am strong. I am strong and successful and independent. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone else in my life. I will never sacrifice what I want just to have someone in my life.
But in the end, when I go home at night, when I drive alone in my car, when I cuddle my pillow at night, and see your hat on my night stand. When I see your picture on my computer.
I can't imagine a more terrible pain of longing than the one I feel then.
Tell me the secrets to why I feel this way, because honestly it's awful. I hate feeling like someone is dragging my insides against hot coals as I feel that passion burn inside of me, and my scorn for the whole situation bring me down. I decided this. I've always been the one to decide it. Because i knew that it couldn't last like this. It couldn't last with me always waiting. We have terrible luck when it comes to timing, but some part of me tells me that that isn't coincidence. Some part of me tells me that this has so much more to play out. That I'm simply in the beginning act and what life has in store for me I still have no idea. I feel like I stand at the edge of a large field, but there is fog all around me.
This isn't like they said it would be. My prince charming rode up, took me for a ride, and then kept riding on, saying he had to figure this out. Saying that he didn't know. They didn't tell me that he would be indecisive. They didn't tell me that he wouldn't be ready for me when he found me. They didn't tell me I would fall for other men. They didn't tell me that I would be someone's prince charming, and that I would have to leave him after I had helped. They never told me that I would be so impatient at 21. They didn't tell me that I would be so bothered with the whole idea. They didn't tell me that I would have to learn to live by myself. None of that was in my guidebook. None of that was in my plans for life.
It was heartbreaking. The first time we really broke up. It was like someone had taken half of me that looked like all of me and I was just trying to find the other part. It was like my very concept of self had faltered. It went against everything I believed in. That I still believed in. I am strong. I am strong and successful and independent. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone else in my life. I will never sacrifice what I want just to have someone in my life.
But in the end, when I go home at night, when I drive alone in my car, when I cuddle my pillow at night, and see your hat on my night stand. When I see your picture on my computer.
I can't imagine a more terrible pain of longing than the one I feel then.